Opening Sentences by karynkonynenbelt
God?
Would it be racy to ask a beggar for his shoe?
But to what end?
His profound, shallow eyes were frigid and his breath, staccato.
The oxymoron draws immediate attention to his eyes--deep, yet superficial--and frigid. I chose the word frigid over still, because #1 the dual meaning of the word (emotionless and still) and #2 the meter of the word suits the sentence well. The metaphorical approach of describing short, detached breaths also lures the reader in. The word, "staccato" has a sort of metrical choppiness to it (almost onomatopoeia-like), emphasizing the patterns of breath taken by the character. What furthers the 'startlingness' of this opening sentence is the lack of information. There is no context, no character name, no information say for the description of "his" character behavior.
source: drug addicted boyfriend
The whiteness stares at me in contempt as I sit, marking the two-dimensional figure with the last ball point pen I may ever touch.
The use of the present-tense and modal verbs makes this opening sentence 'startling'. Additionally, the sentence does not reveal an adequate amount of information for the reader to be able to decipher for him/herself who is taking the action (I-narrator) and where the action is taking place. The use the modal verb "may" signifies the uncertainty of the narrator and also ratifies the use of the present tense.
source: personal experience at
He’d read somewhere, as if it were some universal fact, not to pass judgment on an individual unless you have walked two seasons in their sneakers.
The... stylistic terms, why is it 'startling'?
source: Walk Two Moons, by Sharon Creech
When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home.
The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton
I liked this opening sentence for a few reasons. 1) There are many assumptions made in this sentence in establishing a tentative setting; the narrator went to the movies during day hours, Paul Newman either directed, produced, or acted in the movie that the narrator had gone to see, the narrator is a participating character (I-narrator), and so forth. I like the contrast between the "bright sunlight" and the "darkness" of the movie house in the initial description. The NRTA, "things on my mind" reaffirms the established character-narrator POV.
When I stepped up into the bright streetlight from the darkness of the alley way, I had only two things in my hand: marijuana and a loaded pistol.
By changing "out" into "up" I have manipulated the spatial POV and inferred meaning into the sentence that may not have already been there. Stepping up to something infers the idea of confronting it in hopes of conquering whatever it may be. I chose to change the context of the story to fit the idea of "stepping up". As a result the good feeling of participating in leisure activities turned into the bad feeling of participating in criminal activities. The connotations words carry bring loaded meanings to simple sentences. Lastly, to confirm the connotations, I changed "on my mind" to "in my hand" and "Paul Newman and a ride home" to "marijuana and a loaded pistol". The assumptions are still there, the character-narrator has not provided adequate information for the reader to know precisely what occurred prior to the opening sentence, but there are plenty of implications.
In walks these three girls in nothing but bathing suits.
A&P, John Updike
Firstly, "walks" is bad grammar. The character-narrator's voice is recognizable by the poor usage of the English language. The deictic expression, "these" suggests a close relationship; however, if you read on, they are strangers. Interestingly enough, the use of deixis remains an interesting part of the opening sentence since, as a narrator-character, one can assume that he is story-telling. The reader also assumes that the narrator is inside, "In walks these three girls...", indicating a spatial setting for what comes next in the text. The rest somewhat speaks for itself; any reader will question where, exactly, is the action taking place?
In stomps those four boys in nothing but whitey tighties.
Stomps versus walks, those versus these, boys versus girls and underpants versus bathing suits. I did not have to change much, but what I did change completely destroyed the established plot and story. I made the veritably "sexy" story into a story about rambunctious little boys.
A woman I don’t know is boiling tea the Indian way in my kitchen.
The Management of Grief, Bharati Mukherjee
I think the reason I particularly liked this opening sentence was because of the modality and scantiness. It is very brief and I like it. It also poses questions for the reader; why is there a woman in "my" kitchen? Is she Indian? Assuming that the narrator can see the woman and the kitchen, the I-narrator must be in close proximity of the woman-character. Thus, the spatio-POV is established. It is interesting how in few words, a reader can be submersed into a fictional reality.
A man I'd like to know is smoking pipe the ostensive way at my bedside.
Basically, all I've done here was change the modality to "would like to know" as opposed to "don't know" which shows more about the "relationship" or lack there of, between the narrator-character and the character-man. I've also made it more modal with the use of the word "ostensive", "appearing as such". It forces the rest of the short story to be somewhat ostensive in and of itself.
I seemed to be standing in a busy queue by the side of a long, mean street.
The Great Divorce, C.S. Lewis
I think I have a thing for modality, for once again, my found opening sentence contains a modal verb. However, I chose this opening sentence, not for its modality (at least I do not think that crossed my mind), but for its assonance and (for lack of better terminology) personification; "mean street".
I had been standing in a vacant lot by the side of a bleak, lethargic farm.
I removed the modality and focused more on the assonance. Without modality, there is a definite time/location implied. The focus, thus, is brought more on the setting and less on the doubtfulness of the narrator-character. However, if you read on, modality is somewhat crucial to the story. Uncertainty is a fairly common feeling of the character.
Deadly Endings by karynkonynenbelt
The colorlessness of the ward had taken on a shade seemingly brighter than before. The last of her chairs lay splintered across the void. Vaera’s lungs cracked as though she’d taken her first breath of air. In the morning, Jem would not call out her name. Tomorrow, Jem would say nothing. Taboo forbids him to talk about buckets and daisies.
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